Unwelcoming Thoughts
by soccer2010
Summary: After the big race in episode 6 Haru noticed that Makoto is acting differently. What is Makoto thinking? Can he and Rin help him? "I came here because I wondered what life would be like if Haru did die that day. What I would do, what would happen." (I own nothing)


"Good job everyone!" Gou said. It was the end of the day and everyone was packing up to go home. "This is a big step up from last year. Now, the relay is tomorrow," she paused as Nagisa and Rei cheered. Makoto gave a smile and Haru nodded. "and I want everyone to get in top shape! So, that means eating a good meal tonight and getting a good night's rest. Our relay doesn't start until around noon but I want everyone to be here at 10AM. Got it?"

"Yeah!" said everyone. The group picked up their bags and each made their way on the bus. The ride back wasn't a long one. Nagisa was chatting away with Rei about how excited he was to swim in the relay tomorrow; he even suggested that they practice their switch off like they did last year. Haru was only half listening, when he looked over at Makoto he saw that Makoto was looking out the window with an expression that Haru couldn't read.

When the bus made it back to the school, Makoto and Haru walked Nagisa, Rei and Gou to the train station to see them off. The walk home was just as quiet as the bus ride. Haru didn't say anything about it, Makoto was always who kept the silence filled. Then they got to the stairs and it was getting too much for Haru, he just knew something was wrong.

"Goodnight Haru" Makoto told him with a smile. It was a normal smile but it still didn't make Haru feel any better.

"Makoto." Haru called out before he could leave. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah." Makoto gave another smile. "Hey Haru….Why do you swim?"

That was a strange question. "I only swim free" Haru told him. That's what Haru always said but for some reason it seemed to be the wrong thing to say in that moment. Haru had this feeling in his chest and didn't know why, but it felt like the same thing he felt when they were in middle school. He just couldn't place it.

"Oh, of course" Makoto said, then gave another weak smile "I have to go to the store, so I'll see you tomorrow" and with that he made his way back down the stairs before Haru could understand why Makoto didn't go to the store on their way back here, it was getting dark, but Makoto was already gone. Haru went home and took off his swimwear. He looked at his homework and decided to start on that while he was waiting for the rice and mackerel to cook.

Usually Haru loved living by himself, he enjoyed the quiet, but today it just seemed to drag on. Thoughts of the race kept coming into his mind. Makoto said he was ok, he said that he was happy to swim with him, so why did he look so sad on the way back. Not sad, more like, he was thinking about something. Haru thought more about this as he ate his dinner. However, his thoughts were interrupted by the house phone going off. It seemed late for his parents to be calling but he got up and answered it anyway.

"Hello?" Haru asked.

"Hello? Haruka?" asked a voice. Haru was surprised, this wasn't his mom.

"Mrs. Tachibana?" What was Makoto's mother calling him for?

"Yes, Haruka, Is Makoto there?" Her voice sounded kind of panic.

"No. He's not back from the store?"

"He went to the store? No he's not back, it late. I hoped it was with you." She started to sound worried

"Don't worry. I'll find him. He's probably on his way back home now" Haru told her. Even though he told her not to worry he was started to feel his chest tighten. This reminded him of middle school and he didn't like that. He raced out of his house and down the stairs. Last time this happen Makoto was at the beach that was not too far away. However, when Haru got to the beach side he didn't see anyone. This scared him even more. Where would Makoto go? For the first time, Haru didn't know what Makoto was thinking.

He tried calling Makoto but all he got was voicemail. Should he call Nagisa and Rei? No, he didn't want them to worry either and they live a good train ride away. But Haru felt like he needed to call someone. So he and called the one person that might be able to help.

"Hello? Haru? This is weird, why are you calling?" A voice answered on the third ring

"Rin? I need your help. Makoto went for a walk a while ago and hasn't come back; I don't know where he is"

"What?!" Rin yelled. Haru heard him push the phone away from his ear as he talked to someone in the background. "Do you think he's ok? Why would he do this? This isn't like Makoto at all. Should I be worried. Never mind I'm coming to help you looking—Shut up Sousuke, I'm going to help find him" Rin was panicking, maybe Haru shouldn't have called him, but he was too worried to think about that right now.

"I don't know where he could be Rin. I'm kinda worried. Something like this happened before and it really scared me. When I did find him he was talking funny, like he was going to go somewhere and not come back" Haru told Rin. "I'm sorry Rin, I know we both have the big relay tomorrow but I just didn't know who to call"

"I'm on my way there now. I'll look from here to your house, you look around there. I'll call if I find him"

"Thanks Rin." Haru hung up. Where else to look? Haru then made his way to the old swim club as fast as he could not bothering to look at his surroundings. When he made it to the swim club he saw that it was still locked, no one had been there. Upset at the dead-end he ran past the club hoping to run into Makoto.

Meanwhile Rin got there as quickly as possible. He knew iwatobi pretty well for only being there for a short while. He figured he should go to their old swim club. He ran the root they used to take as kids, after he got to the bridge he looked over to the river and saw a figure sitting by a tree. As he looked closer he saw that it was Makoto.

"Makoto!" Rin shouted out to him. He ran off the bridge and down to the river. "What are you doing here!? Are you ok? Why haven't you been answering your phone!" Rin asked him all these questions. When Makoto didn't answer or even look up, Rin put his hand on Makoto's shoulders. "Makoto?" He said more gently.

Makoto blinked a couple of times and then looked up. "Oh, hey Rin. What are you doing here?" He asked just it was normal for him to be sitting in the middle of the night by a river.

"I should be asking you that. Haru called me and said that you didn't go home." He said. "You had a lot of people worried" Makoto looked down in shame. "What are you doing here? Are you ok?"

"I'm…." the words died on Makoto's lips, it was obvious that he wanted to say he was fine. "Not really" He said honesty "But it's stupid. I'm sorry I worried you. I should be getting back" He made a move to get up but then took a look at the river and slumped back down.

"Makoto…come on. I don't like to be here. I don't think you do either" Rin said. He made a move to help Makoto up but Makoto just pushed his hand away. "Why are you here?"

"Do you remember that day" Makoto asked. Rin didn't need to ask what day he meant. They were by the river, THE river. He remembered it like it was yesterday. Rin doubt he could ever forget. It wasn't just that day that scared him; it was everything that happened after. Seeing Haru's limp body being dragged out of the river by Makoto was bad enough but the way Makoto wouldn't stop shaking or how his face looked horrified gave Rin nightmares.

"Of course I do" Rin replied softly. He decided to slump down to the ground next to Makoto. "I feel like I will always have that memory in the back of my head no matter what."

"Me too" Rin looked over at Makoto hoping to catch his eyes, but Makoto was looking at the water splashing off the rocks. Rin asked him again why he was here. "I wanted to go someplace Haru wasn't" Rin's heart felt like it stopped working for a moment. What did he mean by that?! This wasn't like Makoto at all. Is this what Haru went when he called? Makoto was still staring off into space and not paying attention to Rin so he quickly sent a text to Haru, 'Found Makoto, by the river at the bridge. He's acting weird'. Few moments later a text came back saying Haru was on his way.

"What….What do you mean by that?"

Makoto didn't say anything for what seemed like the longest time. Finally he spoke "I'm…selfish. I depend on Haru way too much. When I was a kid I thought it didn't matter because we would always have each other, but now, everything is changing. "

"Makoto…."

"I came here because I wondered what life would be like if Haru did die that day. What I would do, what would happen." He gave a sad chuckle "I would probably be even more scared of water than ever. " Then he started to have tears in he's eyes "Would never go back to the swim club, probably shut myself away from everyone. How, horrible it would be."

"Makoto"

"I wonder if Haru ever thinks about what life would be like if I drowned that day"

"What day?!" Rin asked surprised by what Makoto said. "What are you talking about?"

"It's nothing important-" Makoto started to say but Rin cut him off

"Nothing important? When did you almost drown? How is that not important?! Makoto!"

"When we went to the ocean for the training last year. A storm hit and I got caught in it. Haru…Haru saved me" He looked over at Rin. Reading his mind he answered without being asked "We didn't tell you because it didn't seem important. We were ok and you had your issues we needed to handle. It, It didn't matter"

Rin was going to come back to this conversation later. Right now he was wondering where Haru was, he said he was on his way. "What did you mean about Haru thinking about it?"

"I just, I wonder if Haru ever thinks about life without me. I doubt he does, but it's Haru, you know? He would be ok. He never really _needed_ me. Not like I need him." Makoto sighed and leaned his head by to hit the tree. "Sometimes I feel jealous of the kind of relationship you guys have" He spoke so softly that Rin thought he heard him wrong.

"Wait. What do you have to be jealous about? You and Haru have been by each other's side since you guys were born basically. How could you be jealous? What do you have to be jealous about?!" Rin asked. This conversation was getting weirder.

"You bring out the best in him. I'm just holding him back but you, you help him become the best he can. You bring out a spark in him that he needs. I can't do that." Makoto sounded so sad; it broke Rin's heart to hear him say that. But the words Makoto was saying started to piss Rin off.

"Stop it!" Rin yelled at him. He jumped up and stares down at Makoto. Makoto flinched and looked up in surprise. "Just stop it! Stop talking like you don't matter. Stop acting like your life doesn't matter! Saying it wasn't important that you almost drown, saying you're not important to Haru or the rest of the group. Stop! Stop thinking like that! It's not true! How could you ever think that!?" He yelled. Makoto went to open his mouth but Rin cut him off "No don't even try to answer that! You are the most important thing to Haru! You are so important to us. Makoto, you should never feel jealous or like you don't make a difference because you do."

"Rin…"

"You were my first friend when I came to this school! Do you remember that? Everyone was too shock about my blunt personality but you talked to me in class, you asked how my day was, you were willing to share your bike with me to get him. You made me feel better when I thought no one would accept me. You, Makoto. You!" Rin told Makoto. Makoto's eyes widen with each word. "And don't even get me started on you and Haru!"

"What." Makoto said. Rin looked at him dead in the eye. Did Makoto still not understand his importance?! Why? What more did Rin have to say! Maybe he should just wait till Haru get there; he can't be too far behind. Or maybe he should just drag Makoto back to his house so his mom can calm him down. But Rin knew he needed to get this out. He needed to make Makoto understand.

"Look Makoto" Rin said gently, not wanting to yell at him like before. He keeled down in front of Makoto to make Makoto look at him. "You and Haru have a bond that can't be broken. No matter how hard you think you don't mean anything to him, it's not true. You're friendship is something that anyone would be jealous of. Don't sell yourself short. Ok?" Rin said. He tried the best he could to help Makoto see.

It was at that moment that they heard someone running. Looking up they saw Haru, he ran past the bridge and almost fell on the way down to the river. It was weird to see Haru express so much emotion but under the circumstances, Rin understood. He stopped a short ways away from Makoto. He was breathing very hard and took a couple of gulps of air before he walked the rest of the way to them.

"Makoto." Haru said. "Why are you here?" Leave it to Haru to get right to the point.

"Hey Haru. I…I was just thinking. Nothing important. I'm sorry to worry you." Makoto said with his smile. He slowly got up. "Let's go home before we get a cold. You have relay, I'm sorry for having you guys stay up late." He was still blaming himself. Still trying to make everything ok when he's obviously not. Then out of nowhere Haru went over to Makoto, got so close to him and stared up at him. Rin didn't know what Haru was doing to be made Makoto look down in shame. "I know. I'm sorry" What did he know? Rin had no idea what they were talking about, But…

"This is what I've been talking about! I have no idea what is going on but you have this way of talking without saying any words." Rin told him.

Haru leaned his head on Makoto's chest. "Please, don't do that again. It worried me enough the first time you did this." He said softly "I told you, I don't like thinking about life without you." He stepped back. "I know the future is coming and I don't know what is going to happen, but I don't want to think about it right now. I want to enjoy the swim club and enjoy this…this…" Haru trailed off not knowing what he wanted to say

"Eternal summer?" Makoto finished for him, like always. And then it hit them all. They knew they were leaving after this year but they all hoped that this summer would last forever.

"Yes. I want to enjoy this summer and I know I have to think about the future soon but no matter what happens, no matter what we choice to do we will always be friends. That is never going to change." Haru looked from Makoto to Rin and back. "Never"

Makoto looked like he was going to start tearing up again. "Right." And gave a real smile, a smile that made them all feel better.

"Ok, then let's go back now. You got to get enough rest to fully see us kick your ass" Rin said giving a little laugh and started walking away.

"Whatever" Haru said. He started walking back up to the bridge. He stopped and look back to make sure Makoto was following. Makoto took one last look at the river before turning his back on it.

Haru knew that these thoughts weren't gone for good but they were gone for now. Whatever of any of them where going to go through they will always be there for each other.

Makoto walked with Rin and Haru back to the train station to see Rin off than made their way back home. Haru waited until Makoto's mom came to see Makoto and give him a hug. Makoto said how he was sorry for worrying her and that he was only going out for a walk and lost track of time. Makoto looked back at Haru and gave him a smile goodbye. Makoto knew the future was coming, there was no stopping it, but for now he would keep all those unwelcoming thoughts away and enjoy the eternal summer they all wanted to have.

_A.N: Hey guys I know this was kinda corny but there you go lol. There was a bit of High Speed! And High Speed! 2 in this. _

_In the first High Speed! Haru drowned in the river and scared Makoto half to death and that in turn scared Rin half to death. It was one of my favorite scenes in the book because we got to see more MakoRin friendship because Rin was really worried about him. _

_Then in the 2__nd__ High Speed! Makoto was distancing himself from Haru a bit and when Makoto's mom called him asking where Makoto way, Haru went out looking for him and saw him by the ocean. When asked why he was there Makoto replied "I wanted to go where Haru wasn't" and that kinda scared Haru about what Makoto was going to do. Take this however you wish, some people thought it was suicide but I'm not so sure. But that part did bring a lot to Makoto's character and I hope we get to see more of it. _

_Sorry if there is a lot of mistakes, I tried. Thank you_


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